I suppose I could come here and rant about Valentine's day, how it's the most loving day of the year or how it's so commercial and if you really care about someone, then why wait for one designated day of the year to tell them you love them---you should do this everyday and with little effort.

My only complaint is about my Peds Exam, I was so darn nervous--I wish I had done better although I a must admit that I am okay with my 86, it's just that it's a little below average.  I know, I am highly competitive and if this doesn't stop a few additional gray hairs will sprout out of the middle of my head.  It's just that I set such high standards for myself and on occaision I do meet them.  Well, it's not worth walking around with a lemon face anyway.

I'm in the library on this beautiful day in Miami, cramminng my brain for this Role Synthesis examination.  I am a bit concerned becaue unlike in previous semesters---No Study guide.  Even though we are only testing 3 systems, you could expect just about anything because truthfully when you think cardiovascular can't isolate it from respiratory or renal and in some instance GI.  Then there is the fluid and electrolytes, which I think I have a better grasp on but still you can't be sure about the complexity of the question.  My problems tend to be more in regards to the nursing interventions than the biochemical/pathological stuff.  Then there is the endocrine--Oh how I hate Diabetes, the stupid Cushings or Addisons.  I mean these are all afflications that many many people face, just wish it weren't on our exam.

On clinicals:

After last week's terror experience with the nurse who wanted me to everything and yet was willing to teach me nothing, I've decided I needed to be more aggressive in the unit.  I enjoy being in the ICU, it is the only place where I get to test all that I've learned and at the same time it can be so intimidating because you realize that I have alot to learn.  As I've mentioned before, nursing is not so much scientific as it is practical.  If you have to think about it, it's wrong.  Truthfully, your first intuition is typically right the problem is I am not confident enough to trust myself.

For instance, a few weeks ago when our pt. coded, I almost past out, it was so frightening but as soon as I recollected, I immediately thought about what I needed to do ---ABCs---give the pt. oxygen by bagging him. The tubing for his vent had become dislocated.  I was so afraid for this man but at the same time I couldn't bring myself to run away from his side.  Eventually, I moved out of the wway because I really did not know what the heck to do and I did not want to get in the way of the doctors, nurses, arnp, etc.  It is was pretty neat how quickly everyone descended to the bedside.  Fortunately, the pt. was stabilized with epi and oxygen.  I'm glad it was time to go home after all this drama.

So this week, I had a male nurse, he was really nice but so busy that I didn't get the time to learn but I will probably work with him next week to avoid that other chick who made me feel as if I had no business in nursing.  I don't care anyways---I'm still a student and I don't know anything.  Although it felt quite good that I was able to assist the resident with the ALine on my own---she was more out of it than me, poor thing---the nurse said she has no idea what she was doing and after she poked the pt. nearly 20 times trying to find the radial artery, I was convinced.  That poor man, she did not even anesthesized the site, just because a pt. may be verbally unresponsive, don't assume they can't feel anything. However, I stood across the bed, in an effort not to contaminate her sterile field (absolutely pointless becuase she managed to contaminate it herself).  I knew that she was a new resident, female and probably nervous so I wanted her to get it.  I got the the Doppler and she was able to locate the artery but stilll had troubles, eventually my nurse came by and helped her.   For all my docs out there---I highly respect you but I respect you even more when you try to keep the pt. best interest first.  Try to bear in mind how they may feel about a procedure, talk to them & actually listen. Don't automatically assume they are stupid because they don't have the same vocab. they want to be informed as much as possible.

Eventually, I will have to such up my pride and find a study group!